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Stress and Boundaries

Piotr Leszkowicz


Intro

Today we will talk about:

  • Stress
  • Boundaries

That's it, let's get started!


What is Stress?

Stress is a physiological and psychological response to external stimuli that exceeds our ability to cope.

  • 🧠 Mental
    • pressure, conflicts
    • perfectionism, self-doubt, procrastination, overcommitment
  • 🏋️‍♀️ Physical
    • long hours
    • lack of sleep
    • over-training
  • 🌐 Environmental
    • noise
    • distractions

... and that's only the tip of the iceberg


The Root Cause of Stress

  • Disproportionate Stress Response:
    Stress that affects the body is usually not adequate to the situation
  • Lack of Boundaries:
    We don't set boundaries for ourselves and others
  • Lack of Coping Skills:
    We don't have the skills to deal with stress (no one learned us)
  • High-Stakes Environment
    Risk of big losses amplifies stress


The Biology of Stress

Fight or Flight Response

Body's extreme reactions as if every stressor is a life-or-death situation

All depends on your first experience of the similar situation.

After that, your brain will always react the same way. It can be changed, but it's not easy.


The Biology of Stress

Chemical reactions: technical overview

Step by step

  • Immediate Reaction (100 ms)
  • Release of Hormones (500 ms)
  • Activation of the Nervous System
  • Rationalizing the "Feelings" based on what which hormones are released (few seconds)

Basically, it works like Publish-Subscribe Pattern.


The Biology of Stress

Consciousness vs Subconsciousness


Or let's name it more accurately...

Human brain vs Animal brain


Challenging Yourself: The Emotional Gym


Concept of Emotional Weightlifting

The importance of voluntarily putting yourself in challenging situations.
Prepare your nervous system for new challenges but in a controlled environment.

Otherwise, your animal brain will take over, and you will be in a constant stress response.


Benefits


Setting Boundaries



Why Boundaries Matter?

Setting boundaries is crucial for mental health and well-being. Boundaries help to:

  • Prevent burnout
  • Enable work-life balance
  • Foster healthy relationships


The Cost of Ignoring Boundaries

  1. Reduced productivity
  2. Emotional exhaustion
  3. Strained relationships

The Positive Outcomes of Setting Boundaries

  1. Internal Integrity
  2. Healthier Relationships
  3. Increased Productivity

Setting Boundaries

Importance

  • Overextension causes stress
  • Agreeing to everything satisfies everyone except you
  • You are not responsible for someone else's feelings
  • Don't be afraid to say "no"
  • People will respect you more for setting boundaries
  • Healthy boundaries are a sign of self-respect
  • Setting boundaries is a skill that can be learned
  • X is not a priority for me right now
  • Avoiding conflict is not a solution

Setting Boundaries

  • Types of Boundaries

    • Time ⏰
    • Emotional 😢
    • Physical 🚧
  • Implementation

    • Actionable steps 📝

Key Strategies for Managing Stress

Observation as a Tool


  • Constantly monitor yourself and your body posture
  • Once you notice hormones in control, take action
  • Irrational thoughts cause you to overreact
  • Rationalization enforces the stress response

Actionable steps:

  • Calm down your animal brain
  • Realize there is no danger (most of the time)
  • Rationalize the situation again
  • Ready to take action 🚀
  • Repeat

Key Strategies for Managing Stress

If previous steps don't work:

  • Mindfulness and relaxation techniques
  • Time management (the key word is discipline)
  • Seek professional help if needed

layout: center class: text-center

Bonus from Dalai Lama

"If a problem is fixable, if a situation is such that you can do something about it, then there is no need to worry.
If it's not fixable, then there is no help in worrying. There is no benefit in worrying whatsoever."


Stress take-away

  • Practice makes perfect, it's a skill that can be learned
  • Each next time you will be able to react better
  • ... and calm down your animal brain faster

You are not responsible for other people's emotions

You can’t change how someone feels.

You can influence their emotions - for the better or worse but ultimately,
they decide their emotions and behaviour.

Take care of yourself first.


Questions?